Thank GOD you found me!
I can’t believe I’m writing this, an actual message in a bloody bottle. I feel like Robin whatsherface, from Forest Gump! Anyway, after learning to create fire, building a beacon out of drift wood and even writing ‘help!!!!!!!!!’ in rocks on the beach nothing much surprises me anymore; but not even Tom Hanks (Castaway, not Gump) got this extreme!! And did you SEE his beard?! Wow! Mind you he had Wilson, all I have is Christina Aguilera stuck in my head (alright alright but YOU find a random empty bottle in this situation and I’ll bet you hope there’s a genie in it too!).
Friend, you do not know discomfort till you have worn a skirt made out of palm leaves I assure you; scratchy things! For the love of god, allah, buddah or whomever else… should you ever do it just make sure there aren’t fire ants on your chosen appendage. Failing that make sure you crash land with a load of Fed Ex boxes rather than a peddalo, bikini and packet of margarita mix! Anyway, sorry I’m babbling, haven’t had a decent conversation since I got here and you’re such a good listener!!
Having landed on this island some 4 hours ago I fear I shall never be found. Somewhere south of L’llot, Frank (the peddalo, not some poor tour guide whom I have since eaten) threw a rudder, leaving me to drift aimlessly until we bumped against this distant shore. This cove seems accessible only from the sea and I am running out of coconuts. The margarita mix was the first to go, turns out you’re supposed to add the tequilla yourself and salt water is NOT an adequate substitute. The packet works well as paper though (I hope you’ll agree).
I should stop writing now, I’m feeling lightheaded and it’s probably lack of blood. I did find a nokia 3310 randomly but it just wouldn’t connect to Virgin, we know who to blame for that!
I shall be scanning the horizon for you, my rescuer. Please hurry, Hanks wasn’t lying about coconut milk!
P.S. Phew, had to swim really hard to catch you! Just to let you know, it’s fine, turns out Aguilera wasn’t exactly in my head. I’m currently on a sun lounger with a *proper* margarita. Didn’t want you worrying uneccessarily! And how embarrassing if the navy or something ha…oo.. no…actually I think I really do need rescuing, yes, very stuck. Thanks!
This post is part of the Twitter Blogathon.