I’m upset today, really upset. I know things will work out fine and in the grand scheme of things I’m still going to have an amazing trip, but something has happened and I’m really annoyed. Sometimes even after you find the silver lining, making yourself accept that the cloud exists in the first place can be tough.
I get ideas in my head about how I want to do things; it doesn’t always work out exactly as I planned, but the variations are usually rather small. I’ve always wanted to travel and have had 2 trips in mind for as long as I can remember. Trip A was always backpacking. South America for Rio, Chile and Argentina. I would visit Machu Picchu, Australia, up to Indonesia, then Bali, Borneo, Malaysia, Cambodia and Thailand. The second trip I always had in mind was to drive across the States, Thelma and Louise style for a couple of months. Plan A didn’t include the US at all as I wanted to be able to take the time to do them properly, with a friend rather than on my own, taking a few months and being a stereotypical tourist!
Last summer I spoke to a friend who’s currently living in America, she’s been having a bit of a tough time recently and discovering she was almost out of tea bags (doom!) was the last straw. While swapping details for a care package (including tea bags) we hatched a plan to take a trip round the ol’ US of A, a kind of ‘cheer up, look at this awesome place you’re living’ kind of trip. Over the next few months I decided this trip should be the first leg on my world tour. I’ve been putting off travelling forever; it was time to take the plunge. I was super excited, and honestly hadn’t even thought about the fact that I was completely changing my original plan because this trip was going to be just as fun and it was for my mate you know? She was pretty much planning the itinerary and I was going along for the ride, everyone happy. Along the planning route we were joined by a third, my flatmate from freshers year, and searching for a fourth, all very exciting.
Till the original mate pulled out this morning, with no explanation.
I know I’m being dramatic. She’s said how bad she feels and I hate that the way I’m acting is probably making her feel worse but I just don’t even know what to do with myself. This is not ok, and me putting a smile on my face and making her feel better about it like I usually would just doesn’t feel right this time. I’m sure there must be a reason, she’s not a horrid person, but in that case why wouldn’t you explain? This morning the realisation of how much I have changed my original plans for this girl hit me, and now I am financially tied in to being in America from the 12th March, with another friend arriving on the 16th in Vegas. If it wasn’t for her I’d change my flights and head elsewhere, but that would be doing to her what has just been done to me and I couldn’t bring myself to do that. There’s nothing I can do, I have to go. I can see the silver linings, I’ll still be travelling, it will be an amazing trip, but it’s not what I have always wanted to do and I’m bitterly disappointed. I have two weeks, will be flying everywhere and then going to Australia (to see another friend!). This is not the driving tour I’ve always wanted to do, and it’s not the original backpacking tour I had planned either. Most people only get to go once, this could be it, and now it’s tainted.
I really hope I find out what it was which made her change her mind, and understand why no hint of doubt was communicated before the rest of us booked our flights. I hope she’s ok and nothing awful has happened. I’m sure by tonight or tomorrow I’ll have bounced back and will be making the most of this situation. I’m sure in a year or two or ten I’ll look back and remember all the amazing things which happened when I was 25 and this hiccough will seem insignificant, but today I am sad and hurt and angry. It just doesn’t seem fair.