A recent spout of boredom with some friends culminated in a ‘build a story’ email thread. Everyone added a sentence or two, being sure to leave the tale on a cliff hanger the next writer would have to explain. I liked the result so much I thought I’d share it with you!
Once upon a time, or so the spiders say, there was a lonely giraffe named Alan. Alan, despite his shorter than average neck and slight speech impediment, did have ONE friend however called George.
Despite Alan’s disabilities, George stuck with Alan through thick and thin until one day something inCREDIBLE happened! George, with his lush mane and perfectly symmetrical spots, was selected to compete for the Uzbekistanian synchronised swimming team, to complete in the 2016 Olympics. Alan was understandably very confused. As everyone knows giraffes don’t live in Uzbekistan!! None the less he was very proud of his achievement. Even George was in need help finding Uzbekistan on the map, but that was the least of his concerns, he was going to the Olympics! He would be a star!! This called for a toast! George and Alan splashed out on a bottle of Krug Brut Vintage 1988.
Upon waking the next morning, feeling more than a little woozy, Alan was shocked to find George with Bruce! Tajikistan’s most famous and Olympic gold winning synchronised swimmer! He had a much longer neck that Alan which meant he could manage the smoothest nose-to-toe twirls, pull off a tux AND made all the ladies (and some men too) on the official cheerleading squad swoon. But Alan knew that despite his talents in the pool, Bruce wasn’t all he claimed to be. Bruce was a fraud. There were no gold medals, no fancy tricks, no fancy nose twirls it was all a big fat lie!
He desperately tried to tell George this, but to his horror George thought he was jealous, and said so before flouncing off with Verity!! VERITY!!! Of ALL the females he could have chosen, when he knew full well that she was once engaged to Bruce! Alan could smell a rat, he decided to go to the local library (yes, Giraffes can be library members actually…) and looked at old back copies of the Uzbekistanian Herald. He nearly choked on his Eccles cake (Alan was a huge fan of the flaky pastry and raisin based snacks) when he saw the headline ‘Otter marries Sloth in illegitimate ceremony’ Alan rushed back to find George as fast as his long gangly legs could carry him, but he was too late, Verity had already ’let slip’ to George’s dad about *those* performance enhancing drugs he’d taken before the Toronto trials. Reg was furious, George grounded and Verity looked very smug. It was then that Alan noticed the large diamond ring sparking on her finger (hoof), he looked bewilderedly between the two of them, and spotted a (considerably less showy) ring on Georges leg.
George was now in Verities evil grasps! ‘When did you get engaged?!!’ he spluttered…
‘Just now! And I have never been happier!’ George replied! ‘While you were at the library getting friendly with Reg eating Eccles cakes, I had more important things to do!’ Well Alan didn’t know what to do, or who to turn to. This was serious and had to be stopped. Alan took drastic action and decided to get extreme!
‘I’m p p p PREGNANT’ he stuttered, his speech impediment returning. ‘And it’s something of a medical miracle! as I am a male giraffe, but hell, it’s my story and I’m running with it!’
Well with that George didn’t know what to say! Is congratulations appropriate he thought? Instead he simply blurted out the question on everyone’s lips ‘Who’s the father??!’
Alan paused dramatically…. ‘It’s Bruce’s’ He whispered stunning everyone into silence. Alan noticed Verity turning an unnatural shade of puce for a giraffe, then suddenly she exclaimed ‘THAT TWO TIMING BASTARD!’ before passing out cold! At that moment, the door was flung back and Bruce cantered in at full pelt. His usually perfect mane dishevelled and a vein pulsing in his forehead, “Quickly!” he shouted “Everyone, come quick! Uzbekistan is on the TV! You’ve been dropped from the synchronised swimming team!!” Everyone went silent and for that moment forgot about the previous dramas – this was FAR more important! Just think if only…..
‘’Alan? Alan? Alan? Alan? ALLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!’
Alan jolted awake…. ‘Mum?’
‘Come on love, you’ll be late for your speech therapy!’
‘But, but, what about the synchronised swimming?! Where’s George? And Bruce? And Verity??’
‘Who on earth are you talking about? Have you been eating chocolate before bed again? You know that gives you strange dreams! Come on now, George is outside to walk you to the clinic.’
Alan was confused, it had all seemed so real. He sat up and looked around his bedroom looked normal; nothing was out of place and sun streamed in through the open window, he could hear George whistling his favourite Rizzle Kicks tune as he waited below. He stretched and swung his legs over the side of the bed., as he did this, something fell from the tangled sheets and he heard the sound of something metal landing on the hardwood floor. As he bent down blurry eyed to see what had made the noise, mum walked into the room with a tray of cold soup and pineapple juice for breakfast. Spotting the item on the floor, she looked at Alan with a dropped jaw and puzzled brow.
Alan, could see that it this was going to be hard to explain as he couldn’t figure out how it got there himself.
A stale-mate, Verity’s very large diamond ring was there, lying on the bedroom floor, glistening in the morning sun. Alan was as shocked as his mum! ‘Had it all been a dream!?’ He thought to himself!!!
‘I’ll explain later’ Alan told his mum as she hurried him out the door, pocketing the ring as he went.
‘Dude…’ Alan said to George ‘do I have a story for you!’
And there you have it! I hope it made you smile 🙂